As a foster parent, I have come into contact with children who have lived through some of the worst things they will ever have to go through. I have had several children who came from abusive homes. These children have been affected physically but the mental and emotional effects go deeper than any scar. A lot of times, these children do not know how to respond to their feelings so they act out physically. Other children are just the opposite and completely withdraw from the world. In both cases, counseling is a definite! Some children end up getting put on medication, removed from foster homes and put into group homes or even live in short term treatment facilities. Abuse is such a horrible thing especially when children are the ones who have to suffer.
Six months ago, I took in a 15 year old girl who had been abused from the time she was 6 years old until she was 10 years old. The physical abuse ended when she was finally removed from the home and placed in her first foster home. Unfortunately, she did not know who to deal with the feelings she felt as a result of the abuse. She was moved several times for behavior problems. By the time she was 13, she had been in more than ten homes and was finally put into a group home. After intense counseling and one on one therapy, she was moved from the group home and placed with me temporarily. She did well at first but quickly took a turn for the worse. She could not handle life on her own and needed to return to the group home where she could receive closer supervision and more one on one therapy. This young girl’s childhood was taken from her and now years later, she is still being affected by it. My hope and prayer for her is that she will learn how to value herself as a person and put the past behind her. I cannot imagine the fear, frustration, and pain she must be feeling. It breaks my heart.
Child development is affected by many different stressors. For children living in Africa, these stressors include HIV/AIDS, poverty, and lack of clean water. UNICEF is “ensuring children's survival and wellbeing through Prevention of Mother to Child Transmission of HIV, Neonatal Care & Support, Pediatric ART Care & Support and Safe Infant Feed & Nutrition Programs” (UNICEF, 2010). They are also ensuring children receive quality education through programs such as Safe and Child Friendly Schools, Early Childhood Development, Sport for Development and Adolescent Development Programs. In addition to these programs, UNICEF is working with the local government through the Social Transformation and Strategic Leveraging Program in order to “support the South African government in developing and strengthening policies, budgets and programs that improve the quality of life for children and women”.
UNICEF is not the only organization working to make a difference in Africa. There are other organizations such as the Council for the Development of Social Science Research in Africa and the Educational Development in Africa, Inc. who advocate for the people living in Africa to help get them to food, water, educational resources, and health services they desperately need.
Resources:
Council for the Development of Social Science Research in Africa. (2011). Children’s agencies and development in African societies. Retrieved from http://www.codesria.org/spip.php?article1250.
Educational Development in Africa, Inc. (2010). Retrieved from http://www.edinafrica.org/index.htm
UNICEF. (2010). Early childhood development. Retrieved from http://www.unicef.org/southafrica/early_childhood.html.
Hi Melinda, it really breaks my heart too to hear about children who have been so badly abused that they are scarred for life! I think you are doing a great thing by opening your home as a foster parent to these children. I wonder though, do you ever have any fears that they might harm your girls? I suppose you would make sure that they are never home alone with your foster children? I am curious about this because before I had children of my own I seemed to always have students around my house. I taught high school. Once I had my daughter, however, I became very selective about who came to my house, and eventually stopped having my students come by. I felt like I needed to do that to protect my daughter from any negative influences or possible harm. I know that I have always been overprotective of my children. I think I had too many bad experiences as a child and this has made me wary of everyone. I am curious to hear how you deal with this. I really admire what you do; it takes a special person to be a foster parent. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteMelinda,
ReplyDeleteI admire you. I don't know if I could be a foster mother. It's hard on me when the kids graduate from my daycare program and go on to preschool! I think it takes a very special person to be able to be a foster Mom. In regards to Africa...just yesterday I was talking to my daughter (15) and my mother about Africa. Africa is a country so rich in natural resources yet the people suffer such extreme poverty, disease, lack of clean drinking water, and lack of food. When I look at the problems happening in that country is it easy to become overwhelmed. I think there are many, many helpful agencies working to intervene in Africa. Just wonder how effective they will be long term? The root of the problem in Africa seems to be governmental corruption, and I don't think there is a fix to that anytime in the near or far future.
Barbara
Melinda,
ReplyDeleteWhat a tragic story about this young girl. It really illustrates how children are affected for a very long time if stressors enter their lives when they are young. One of my relatives was told from a very young age how stupid he was and that he would never amount to anything. He is now 60+ years old, and that message still affects how he reacts to situations even today.
I admire your willingness to be a foster parent because I would think that most come with emotional if not physical scars. I imagine it must be difficult to help them deal with the scars, even with professional interventions.
I studied about Africa earlier. There are many problems there related to poverty. Government and extremist groups seem to be withholding some of the help that is available. I admire the people from different agencies in Africa that are trying to affect change there. The death of young children is so senseless.
Thank you for sharing this week.
Melinda, I can’t imagine the situations, the issues, the hurt and harm that children go through before they get to you. If you don’t know it already and I hope that you do, you are simply an angel. I just know that you have been the positive in a lot of children’s lives. I enjoy your post from week to week and for children past and future I say thank you. Great job thank you for sharing!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Being a foster mom is one of the toughest decisions I made but at the same time, it has been the most rewarding. Each child brings with them their own baggage. Thankfully, I have been able to help each of these children in some way or another. As far as my birth children, I am very over protective so my first priority is their safety. Rules are established in my home in order to protect them so other children who enter my home can not physically harm them. I am also very cautious about what my children hear from me and other people involved about each child that comes to stay with us. My girls understand that the children who come stay with us have not had a good life and that it is our responsibility to help them, to love them, to encourage them and most importantly to pray for them. We embrace everyone who enters our home with the love and support they deserve. What happens from there is up to them.
ReplyDeleteMelinda,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your insights both in discussion and on your blog. I particularly appreciate the personal stories you shared. You are amazing to have allowed so many children into your home as a single mom. I am sure you have been blessed by each one.
I wish you well as you continue your educational journey. Hopefully, we will share classes in the future.